Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Just so different than most

There are times when I wonder if I was just not meant to live in this time, or if I am just so much different than others that I am forced to live on the fringe. 

I know that I would be a stalwart liberal if I didn't embrace so many conservative values.  But daily I am ashamed of some of the crap I hear coming from the conservative machine.  Then I hear the crap coming from the liberal machine and shake my head. But I don't think I am a libertarian because I do not believe it would be good for our country to dramatically downsize our military.  Again, I just don't fit anywhere.

Then there is the whole kid thing.  When most of my relatives and friends are bragging about what college their kid got into, I am encouraging my kids to work and save up for college so they won't be in debt.  They will also work harder in college if they are paying for it. 

While other people I know are bragging about the $300 boots they bought their daughter for Christmas I delight that my daughter shops at Target from the clearance rack and that she is in love with her 1980's Toyota truck.  My kids know how to cook, clean, are required to have a job before they can get their driver's licenses, and when they turn 18 must pay rent (not a lot, but something). 

I celebrate the fact that my kids are thinkers.  They are not drones, mainstream, vulnerable to peer pressure, or like anyone else.  Around here we celebrate true diversity: that you don't need to do life like everyone else does life. 

Then there is my penchant for discovery.  Any kind of discovery.  Must learn new things.  Must expand my knowledge base.  Must know what is going on in the world around me.  Must try to change the world.  Need more input (and I know someone will know what movie that quote is from).

Wow, that is just downright exhausting.  But that is who I am.  I don't think I could stand to be married to someone like me, and I'm pretty sure that is why my husband (soon to be ex) just disconnected.  I was too much for him.  I am too much for me sometimes. 

In a post-apocalyptic world I would do very well.  In this world I am an enigma, strange, a little off.

Oh well. I think I'll just go watch my Suyo Long cucumber grow for a bit. 


  1. I have the same feeling about my kids, who all had to find their own money for college, who all know what it is to work really hard, who never had one damn thing handed to them (except for my love, which ain't no small thing). When Katie was at Westlake High School and all the other cars in the kids' parking lot were Jags and BMWs, Katie had a beaten-up old 1964 VW bus, red and white. That she paid for, and paid the insurance too. And now look at who they are! People who think for themselves, who go to bat for underdogs (even if it's their dad they have to go up against), who make the world better, ever single day.

    I don't feel quite as out of time and place, but I do know what you mean. And it is exhausting to be me too, sometimes, and for others to be around me. To deal with me. With my intensity. Thank heavens when I got into my 50s, I started caring a whole lot less about that -- if others find me too intense, that's ok. (And depending on the day, I may envy them their ability to get away from me!) :)

    1. Lori, your kids are amazing and I love hearing you praise their real successes. But they had an incredible example in their mom.

    2. and the same back to you!