Saturday, July 28, 2012

When I really miss it

This morning did not go as expected. 

Last night one of my sons came into the living room really stressed out.  He had been offered an opportunity to train for a position that he wanted.  The catch was that he had two weeks to learn what usually took six months of training.  I said my usual mom words about how he is super smart, very capable and would learn it quickly because of his incredible memory (all true words).  But then I kind of zoned out.  I wasn't really tuned in.  I find myself doing that a lot the past few years.  Sadly, for a couple of years, I felt nearly disconnected from my family.  Not physically; I still got the kids to school, saw that they had clean clothes, money for school lunches (except the numerous times I forgot).  But on an emotional level, on the connectedness meter, I was rating pretty low.

So this morning I hear a knock on my door.  Oh crap! It was 4:45 and I was supposed to be up at 4:00 am.  Dressed in two minutes we were out the door.  My son was extremely irritable in the car.  There are many reason for this, and it isn't really unusual in the mornings, but today I was not very understanding and asked him to just stop. 

After dropping him off at work it hit me that he was extremely nervous about starting this new position.  He had no breakfast, no coffee, no lunch, and he was stressed out beyond belief. 

I had missed it.  I just completely missed it.

I have a lot of reasons for my lack of sensitivity, but no excuses.  When I pick him up he will receive a huge apology. 

Some days I just really miss "it."

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